Monday, August 13, 2007

LOVE: The business inside


This is an extension of the previous post "Unconditional Love". The objective is not to tell you what is LOVE.........its to realize and to understand are we on the right track to understand it as it is.
What do you do, when you meet somebody you think may become a love partner?

Pop lyrics describe the surface reactions at length, but underneath it’s likely that you’ll start a checklist. You’ll want to check if s/he is going to give you what’s missing from your life.

If you are looking for stability, you will ask if s/he is going to be a rock. If you are looking for financial security, money will go onto your list. If you feel you are weak in spiritual dialogue, you will itemize his/her spiritual qualities. You will also ask, is s/he loving, strong, or weak? Or, weak enough so that you feel strong? It is often a very long checklist.

Then you will score your list by points. Your overall score will tell you whether s/he will fulfill all of your needs, to be loved, to feel secure, to belong. Whether s/he will fit with who you are (insert self description here, like educated, wild, conservative, introverted, family oriented).
When we perceive ourselves as being incomplete, we constantly look for another to complete us. In the language of love, the phrase “you complete me” is a common one.

Making your list is the first step in the business of love: preparing to barter.
The deal on the table is, “I will love you if you will provide me with all the missing parts that I need to be a complete person.”

Building your checklist starts from the first moment of meeting, and you will modify and add to it throughout the days, weeks, months-even longer-until you know either way.Or think you do.
Maybe the candidate passes the “checklist of acceptance” stage, and is willing to barter. That is, when s/he has done a checklist on you, and you have passed. You both move to the second stage of the contract, testing whether expectations will be fulfilled.
For example, you will test out clauses that say, “I expect you to make me:
- feel safe
- feel happy
- feel attractive
- feel important
- feel like I belong
- feel I am desirable
- feel ……and the list continues with a positive hope for modification

If one of the parties fails to fulfill the other’s expectations, then pain, frustration, disappointment and anger will arise. The deal might begin to fall apart right here.

If the second stage does work (for a while, anyway) you’ll likely move up to Stage 3 of the deal. Here are the clauses that require the other to “become just like me.”
- You should think like me
- You should love like me
- You should act like me
- You should desire like me
- You should dream like me
- You should clean the kitchen like I do
- You should be like me
The business approach to love is a process of barter: it is always conditional. Every time you draft a contract to love that’s based on your own needs, you write the conditions for potential suffering. The moment one of the signatories in the love contract does not receive their part of the bargain, the so-called “love” starts fading.
By contrast, true love can’t fade or stop. True love is unconditional and can exist only when you feel complete in yourself. True love manifests from this experience of oneness. Loving others means loving yourself: accepting your failings, inadequacies, or needs and no longer requiring someone else to complete them. True love means you may dislike people’s behavior or not agree with their actions but it will not affect the love and compassion that you experience towards them.

When you look back at your love relationships that failed, with people that you thought you loved intensely, you may be puzzled that you don’t anymore. The more you feel you loved them then, the more likely it is, now, that you actually feel resentment or hate towards them.
If this happens, then you should know you never loved them from the beginning. You were simply involved in the business of love.

Now lets think about ourselves...............let's look back at our life........
Can we say that we ever truly loved? Unconditionally and without needs?

If the answer is are the chosen one and if the answer is NO..............

Am I making a blunder as usual ?

Am I talking about something not necessary ? Pls help me to correct my thinking by posting your comments


Anonymous said...

Dear Friend,

I don't know who you are but its marvelous. I hope you are above 50 yrs of age and the witting shows the maturity. I have some wittings and have published a book too. I ll send my book to you. Have you written any book ? Please do mention who you are ? I hope the pictures in the page are not yours.

Jyotirmayee said...

mind blowing.from where u got all these ideas.buisness love,i cant ever think about the term but u clarify it nicely.still there are some questions.we ll talk about it later.but dont show so much maturity dt people ll doubt ur real identity.

Saktishree said...

@ Anonymous...

Thanks for your comment. It ll be a pleasure to get your writings.

@ Jyoti...

Thanks mam

smaranika priyadarshini said...

"Love" is becoming a good business, only because The Love Hunters are getting ample of options. Like if not she then some other would...
It could be flawless, it could be unconditional, it could be of no expectations, only when both creatures will feel "we don't have any other option, we are made for each other".