Sunday, January 24, 2010

I got my answer

I met her. She was not so beautiful, but I could not lift my eyes from her. Her eyes were not bluish, which I like the most, but I could not resist to dive in. Her lips were not perfectly curved, but I was unable to resist myself to go on kissing. She pushed me back, slapped hard and told, "I am not here to love the person who can’t win from his own self, who is still a slave of his desires and dreams". It’s for sure that someone has cemented my legs to the ground, else how could I listen such thing without a word. I got myself back when she started to move. I wanted to pull her back to my bedroom and teach a lesson, but I could not pull the stupid tears to roll on my cheek. I wanted to burst, but I was calm, so calm I can ever be. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew it’s the best thing to happen at me. I was in peace.

But how long do you think the peace is going to stand? How long I can win the fight against myself? I fear I am going to lose one day. The fear of losing from myself stole the power of my eyelids to shut in the night. For me, it’s purely philosophical to believe that, “It’s not important whether you will win or lose, but the most important thing is how you fought”. But how I will fight? I am made up of pure lies who believes in sheer physical pleasure, whose motive is always to satisfy the taste buds, whose aim is to keep all the beauties by his side on the bed. From where I will get the energy to fight with me? I don’t know. Laying the question in my eyes to dream for an answer, I shut my brain to rest.

From some where a sound came. Love. Who sounded that, I didn’t even bother to look for. May be I knew that, and was looking for an assurance like I used to have in my childhood when I was in confusion and my father used to put his hand on my head and whispers, “You are right, just follow your heart”.

But, energy from Love? Don’t you think it sounds rubbish? May be?

But how can I get energy from ‘Love’ till the time I am in confusion about the anomaly about whether ‘Love’ is merely a word or a human emotion which a speechless heart pumps with blood to every part of the body? I believe it’s an emotion which every normal human being possesses. But I don’t know why I wanted to ask someone about this. Who will be better than the ‘heart’ to answer such a question? Yes, I asked the same question to my heart. To my irony, heart replied, “Love is just a word, but important thing is what connection the word ‘Love’ implies”. I asked, “How do you such thing”. My heart replied, “I know, because it’s nothing but a pride to know what ‘love’ is. I bowed my head with shame and had to rise when my heart presented me a question to answer, “What you would give to hold on to that connection?” Without a pause I replied, “Anything”.

My heart took a pause, smiled and pumped a few liters of blood and told, “I was happy when you became insane, and was happier when you dreamed to do ‘Anything’ to remain that insane. It’s bad but remarkable to see how similar the pattern of ‘Love’ is to the pattern of insanity. This is the hope with which ‘Love’ is giving energy to you to fight with you”. I asked, “Why I could not see the insanity in me long before”. Without any thought my heart become a philosopher and told, “No one can see beyond a choice they don’t understand, and so as you”. I murmured, “You sure did surprise me, Heart, and you still do”. My heart smiled and said, “You too”. I got my answer; I got my source of energy to fight with me. I know she will come back someday, any day.